Change

It’s not that I never want change to happen. It happens all the time, every day, whether I want it to or not. Change can bring about something for which I have longed or worked. Change can also bring about loss and grief. 

Every time I lose someone, it seems like each change takes me closer to the person I’m becoming but further from the person I was the last time they were with me. I look forward to and hope that change will lead me to becoming a better version of myself, but I grieve that they won’t be there to see it. I know they wouldn’t want me to stay stagnant or digress (many are even, I believe, cheering me on). That doesn’t make moving on any less difficult without them physically here, but it does make the difficult things worth doing.

I can’t decide, though, which is easier - expected change or unexpected change. The best answer to that is probably… it depends. 

It depends on where that change takes you and why that change is happening. Is it intentional? Unintentional? Have you been working toward making this change? Does the change leave things better than they were before? Or worse? Or just different? 

Some would say that change is inevitable, even necessary. Which is probably true. However, in my experience, change often proves difficult. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, expected or unexpected. I function better with routines and familiar things, with favorite (same) foods and weekly jam* sessions, with a few close friends and family, with catchy songs on repeat. 

Of course, there are things I hope do change - the anxiety I experience in certain settings, my marital status someday, the way people can be so cruel to each other and how we care for the world around us, the number of people reading this**… 

It’s not that I never want change to happen. It happens all the time, every day, whether I want it to or not.***

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* That’s a music jam session, not a tasting jam session, though that would also be fun.

** Apparently, I’m into asterisks this week. Seriously though, if you enjoy or get value from what you’re reading, be sure to subscribe to the email list and tell your friends! If you don’t like it, then no need to subscribe, but how about telling your enemies - let them suffer a bit from the plethora of profuse punctuation. ;)

*** I thought about changing the last two lines up a bit, being that this blog is about change. Then, I thought it was ironic to keep them the same. What could have been (and is, here): “It’s not that I never want change to happen. It’s just that change is hard.”